The drawing a day project continues and now at my half
way point it’s time for the, now customary reflection on how it is progressing (and there’s a lot to say so make yourself comfortable!):
Some days I don’t feel like drawing (hard to believe, for
someone that has set themselves a drawing a day challenge for the second year
in a row but it’s true). I sit at my desk (ok so it’s actually my bed which I
kneel at) and think, ‘What am I going to draw today?’ ‘How am I going to draw
it? Should I even bother?’ I may go for a walk or if I don’t have the time I
just start drawing, usually the first thing that comes into my head. These things are usually picked from conversations I have had with people or images I have seen during the day but the link is often so dependant on context or personal that I do not expect anyone to know the reference other than me. You see it’s not really what I draw that’s
important to me but the need to draw the kind of drawing which involves an
intense amount of concentration or thinking that is my concern.
Of course most of the time I first have to search for an
image of the thing I’m drawing for reference or when possible draw from life or
imagination (although in practice this seems to happen very little) and then after few
minutes into starting and my earlier doubts or fatigue gradually disappear and
I’m immersed in the focus of what I’m drawing. The intensity of looking, mark
making, decision making and working out generated by drawing offers escapism to
think and reflect. The conscientiousness comes back towards the end of the
drawing and I start analysing whether it looks ‘finished’ or not. This often
results in a few minutes spent polishing/or not what I've created.
Why be so representational in my drawing style then? I have
always found this the hardest question to answer and have had an ongoing
dichotomy between my need to make marks/surfaces, often more associated with
the self expression of abstract art; and the symbolic, meaning imbued imagery
of representation. I tend to hover between the two and as result am never sure
if the representational image is there acting as ‘something to hang the paint
on’, a ‘shape in which to draw in’ or whether it is something more subconscious
and therefore more meaningful than I pay attention to. Perhaps by staying
within the boundaries of creating a representational image I’m keeping a
control on what I’m doing with the mark making/act of drawing implying that I
want to ‘let go’, so to speak and become lost in the expressiveness of mark
making but not loose myself completely, having to control the mark making so
that it eventually ‘looks’ like something and remain somewhere within the
familiar constraints of reality? Well, that’s a frighteningly honest assessment which goes some way into revealing more about my personality that I hadn't really expected. It
makes it difficult to know where to go from here or whether I carry on as I have done and let
this journey run its course. It’s certainly proving very useful and developing,
albeit very slowly at its own pace so far...
 |
| 05/05/14 - Inspired after seeing (a friend from my art degree) Lucy's drawing of a goldfish on Facebook. |
In my usual search to find answers to these questions I refer to knowledge learnt from books and have recently read ‘Guston in time’ by Ross Feld. The book is an
analysis and dialogue through the letters of American painter Philip Guston (an
artist whose paintings and unique drawing style I have long admired) and writer Ross Feld revealing
new insight into Guston’s working practice. I found it interesting how Guston spoke of his
‘need’ to paint as though it were a compulsion, almost something non-voluntary
and that he saw the act of creating as a ‘getting-rid of’ or purging, the
resulting painting being seen to Guston as a sort-of aftermath of these intense
thoughts/feelings he expressed through his art,
‘That the purpose of creating is to kill it or at least get rid of it
-once and for all. Now I truly am fearful of creating -such a dread of it.’ (Guston 2003: 64)
This counterbalances the
preconceived idea that creativity is this joyous, celebratory or almost divine
experience and highlights that the ‘need to create’ and act of creativity as also being painful or coming from difficulty, frustration and the
more unpleasant sides to a person’s character/experiences. Now, I in no way
(thankfully) have similar life experiences to that of Guston, who when very
young found his father hung himself and since (Guston) went on to have an incredibly
self-destructive relationship with excessive smoking and drinking; but and the
reason I included that quote by him here, is because I can relate to the need
to create as a kind-of compulsion or obsession –better out than in, sort-of
mentality. The thought of not making any art or doing something creative for a
considerable length of time is terrifying and actually unimaginable. Even if
that creative outlook wasn’t drawing I would have to find something creative to
do. Although, again, perhaps like Guston I often wonder if I would be better
off without this urge to create/to express oneself as it is often more
difficult to do than what it actually helps/solves. Hence the ongoing spiral and denial of the artist: and need to have to
create more and more until you reach an end or find an answer that all the
while you’re conscious of not actually wanting to reach that end because you
wouldn’t know what to do with yourself once you got there. And we voluntary put
ourselves through this?!
I briefly alluded to this same conundrum in my Masters
dissertation which touched upon the idea of ‘drawing is a drawing out’ where
head, heart and hand come together in the embodied act of drawing based on not
just what a person is seeing but their lived experiences, thoughts and feelings
that influences how they draw. It’s worth a read, as of course I would say, and
if you’re interested there’s a link to read it online at the top of this page
titled ‘MA Project Report’. I refer to it as well as it seems that I am still
on that thread of enquiry and am interested in returning to it again, with more
focus, in the future.
 |
| 12/04/14 -The post-Rembrandt inspired drawings. Image of ceiling fan seen in a Rauschenberg collage/combine painting that I decided I wanted to draw. |
 |
| 16/01/14 -First drawing painted by mixing tones of green. Had a stigma of using green in paintings since using pre-mixed green on Foundation Diploma. I'm over it now! Honest. |
There were quite a few significant changes to the project this year, namely; use of colour, larger sketchbooks, more open-mindedness in what I choose draw/more imaginative. The results so far have been a much more diverse, richer, challenging and interesting set of drawings than those of last year. I think the drawing has ‘improved’ in the sense that they are now more varied in mark-making, shading, tone and in observational detail but in this way they, at the start of the year became much more illustrational and lacking perhaps in personality or trace of hand, by which I mean the sort-of imperfections and handwriting evident of the person who has made the drawing. In ‘Drawing Water’ artist Tania Kovats whose practice uses drawing as a means of exploration, notes ‘Awkwardness in drawing is as interesting as fluency.’ (2014: 11). You heard it here first, I have license to become more awkward than perhaps I already am!
Around March time, after having seen the Rembrandt etchings in Amsterdam the drawings took on a whole new quality where the intensity and variety of mark-making was key in defining form and tone. These drawings had more substance to them and were an improvement in coming out of the flatness of representation I had fallen into. Currently the drawings are in a limbo between the two as I am trying to combine the colour painting of the flatter illustrational drawings with the mark making learnt from the ‘Rembrandt inspired’ drawings. We’ll see how it pays off!
 |
| 17/02/14 -As result of conversation with friend regarding the Yellow Long Horned Beetle (Seriously! This is the kind of thing we talk about in the pub.) |
With that in mind
points to consider now moving forward into the second half of the year:
-
Backgrounds:
Why do I tend to always draw objects/animals/plants in space? Left as a drawing
on the page. I have begun already exploring on using the whole page instead of
just focusing on the subject.
-
Combine colour with mark making: As
mentioned above, experiment in combining the more painterly and tonal attributes
of using coloured inks with the tighter more intense mark making learnt from
the Rembrandt black and white pen drawings.
-
Try some purely painterly, loose drawings with
no pen. Or use pencil instead of pen for softer more subtle line quality.
-
Leave some drawings unfinished? Abstract.
Continuous line/blind drawing.
How much or little I choose to push myself to fulfil these is up to me. Already the project continues to improve and develop naturally at its own pace and how keen I am or not to push it on more quickly will depend on how daring I feel on a day to day basis. By at least being aware of what needs improving and what is working I can make those decisions more informed. Tricky stuff this drawing business, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’ll leave you with this quote from John Vernon Lord, he’s an illustrator but I think the following quote encapsulates what drawing is pretty succinctly,
‘The challenge of
drawing involves fathoming shapes; probing measuring and adjusting; working out
comparative proportions; highlighting and shading; emphasising and diminishing;
composing; combining intuition and thoughtfulness; fumbling and stumbling; the
sorting of marks; the cursing; the rubbing out; the hesitations; the
adjustments; the decisions; the hopes and anticipation; the heartache; the
overcoming of weakness; the hoping for control; the taking of risks; reacting
to unexpected developments that may arise; getting the desired expression and
mood; establishing the content; getting to grips with the subject; inventing –
and the whole process reaching towards a visual conclusion.’ (2014: 8)
References:
FELD, R. Guston
in time: Remembering Philip Guston. (2003) Counterpoint Press: USA.
KOVATS, T. Drawing
Water. (2014) Fruitmarket GalleryPublications: Edinburgh.
LORD, J V. Drawn to drawing. (2014) Nobrow: London.
